We Are One

Christmas Eve is my great grandmother’s birthday. She had five children and would make breakfast for her children in the morning. Her kids and family would be busy during the day. Quite often, they did not get a chance to eat the breakfast until the evening (at least that’s the story that was told to me). All my life, the tradition has been that my family would get together on the evening of Christmas Eve and eat breakfast. People are assigned foods to bring/cook and we just enjoy fellowship with one another. Over time, however, the family tradition has changed…

My name is Bridgette. My name is a tribute to my grandmother’s maiden name “Bridges”. She was one of five, and all but one of them have passed on. Those people were the heads of our family units and when my great aunt passed during the holiday season in 2016, we as a family had to rethink a lot.

What happened to us?

Why don’t we spend enough time?

Why aren’t we coming out to the events we traditionally have?

My cousin Carlton (or Cowboy or Orrustus or insert other family nicknames we have for him) put a stop to the “what ifs'” and “why’s'” over the summer and coordinated a family reunion for us during Mother’s Day weekend. The picture you see above is the family shot. It felt really good to see us together– laughing and dancing and playing cards. Things started to feel better. I remember telling Cowboy that I can’t wait to visit him in Miami since I have never been before. He told me anytime I wanted to visit, his place was open. I never took up the offer.

October 2018, my cousin, Cowboy, transitioned.

The questions. The “why’s”. The “what if’s”. The “I should haves came to play”. Cowboy was older than me and we didn’t have the closest relationship, but the impact he had on our family was so strong and deep. Our family continues to mourn heavily his physical absence. We are still trying to figure it out.  I know I am trying to be more intentional about communicating with my cousins. We are calling more. We are making time to try and seeing one another more frequently. We are trying to celebrate each other in small and big ways. I recognize it, and I am praying we continue it.

Christmas Eve came and brought some laughter into our lives and love in our spirits. My aunt texted everyone and instead of just eating, we also made our annual breakfast a game night as well. We danced and laughed. I introduced the family to For the Culture (the black version of Heads Up). We had such a good night of fellowship.

So, basically the story goes my great grandmother decided to change up her birthday just so that she can be around her family. I often wonder if she knew that the tradition would continue years after she passed. Did she think of how much her grandchildren and great grandchildren would cherish this day because of the feeling it gives them?

As the night settled, we agreed that we need to make game nights happen more. We need to schedule bowling outings. I plan to keep my word and take them up on that offer.

We are One.

#FlyHighCowboy

I like you… I think

I am embracing a culture of transparency, which, to me, is different than honesty. I will delve into this in a later post, but a part of this culture of transparency is not hiding my feelings. This is especially true when it comes to people I am interested in. Most recently in a text thread, I told someone that I liked them and I am aware that they do not have the same feelings I have.

Ahh well

Oh well

Time will pass and I will be over it lol. But until then I feel how I feel. And I am still going to be me and do things not to get any points for doing them.

This experience did get me to reflect on what I mean when I say I like this person. Like, do I even like them for real? LOL I suspect that there is more I need to learn about this person and won’t have an opportunity to learn, at least not in the way I want. But in the meantime, I like this person right?

So this poem is trying to talk through it. Enjoy.

I like you

Well, at least I think I do.

I do like you

I think

How about this

I like what I know about you thus far

From the moment I met you. There was something. A connection. A vibe. An energy. Anytime I am around you, it’s a yearning. I like how I want to be around you. Observe you. Learn you. I want to know you cuz I like you…

I think.

How about this

I like how you present yourself. From your swag in your walk, your sense of style, your talents and abilities. Your faith. Your compassion. Your drive and commitment to the things you set your mind on. It ignites a fire in me to do better, to find my passions, to explore my heart.

Cuz you are

You are who I want.

I think

How about this

I want the opportunity to explore if this desire is valid.

To see if all the things I’ve listed this far makes sense.

To strengthen what could be

To nurture what could be

To be all that you need and deserve in a partner

To see if the connection, vibe, and energy can be more than fleeting moments of time.

More than fantasies. More than wishes. More than coulds, shoulds, woulds.

I’ll be honest.. I’m not all that special. What I can offer, some other woman probably can. What I’m saying, you may have heard. I’m not oblivious to the fact that you can get these things from someone else.

But I am saying this…

At this moment in time

I want to offer these things to you.

I’m willing to be open with you

My focus is on you.

I desire you. All of you. The things I know and even the things I don’t know.

This feeling is not superficial.

I like you.

How about this… you got a poem.

If that ain’t real, then I don’t know what is.

BCB 8/5/18

 

The List

Have you written down the list?

You know which one I am talking about. The list of things you want in a mate.

The wish list of romance. The list of hopes and dreams of love.

I haven’t written that list.

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A few weeks ago I was talking with Dr. Joan about love and whatnot and she challenged me to really write that list out. And here we are weeks later… I still haven’t written the list.

Why?

What is so scary about writing down the things I want and desire and have thought about for a while? I know Brittany is going to kill me for not being on time with my deadline. But I have literally been frozen trying to write this… The struggle is REALLLLLLLLLLL.

Am I scared to write this down and be disappointed that it won’t come to light?

Are the things on my list too lofty? Am I wanting too much? This list is not about salary or credit score or height, but truly about how I want my interactions to be with a partner. Last month I wrote about intimacy and that is easy for me. To be poetic and metaphorical, but concrete, letting it out plain…welllll

So here is this list…. It is not fully a poem. It is just something I need to get out. Shoutout to Dr. Joan for pushing me and Brittany for the gentle nudge to finish. I am writing this list as a manifestation of what is to come. I am writing this list as an affirmation of what I deserve. I wrote this list to face the fear and embrace that it can happen. It will happen. Here’s to love:

  1. I want to laugh. Brother make my stomach hurt from laughing so hard at the nonsense. Let’s make corny jokes that only we know and
  2. I want to pray with you and for you and you pray for me. There is intimacy in knowing that God is a provider for all of our desires and you want that for my life.
  3. I want to dream together. Let’s talk about our passions and how we can help one another accomplish them.
  4. I want to question together. The world, the Bible, all the isms, all the problematics.
  5. I want to have great sex. Like I think about it afterward and gets chills sex. Like you want to please me before yourself sex. Like we try out all the kinky sex. Like we can’t get enough of each other… SEX.
  6. I want someone who wants to travel and experiences new places.
  7. I want someone who appreciates the arts. You don’t have to be an artist (although that would be nice) but appreciate it so we can go to concerts and open mic nights and museums and ish together.
  8. I want transparency. I want us to share and be vulnerable. Even if it is uncomfortable. I want to tear down masculinity with our vulnerability.
  9. I want someone who looooovvvesss to listen to music. Like to the point we can share new music with each other. (Because that’s foreplay duh)
  10. I want someone who is good with money (in terms of budgeting and planning so we can do all the stuff I want to do) I can learn from someone else.
  11. I want someone who is patient. Because I can be stubborn and I can snore. So your patience in those two things is greatly appreciated.
  12. I want someone who challenges me and inspires me to be better. Someone who wants to be in my corner cheering me on. And of course, I would be doing the same.
  13. I want someone who can be social. I am involved in a lot and I be doing a lot. LOL. But if we go to an event, you can mix with folks. If we are with my family, you can mix in with them. (I got a lot of cousins)
  14. I want someone who cares about people. Someone who understands that liberation is in love and daily we should strive towards loving more and more.

To my future love: With this list, I will match you with all these and more. I am open to whatever more you bring outside of this list as well. I hope that we have a love that complements the badass people we already are and that with our love we make the world better.  -BCB

Let tomorrow worry about tomorrow

Hey #CiteASista family! My name is Bridgette and I’m a newly minted MPA with a focus on Nonprofit Management and Higher Education. I’m the newest addition to the Cite A Sista family and I couldn’t be more grateful.

That said, this is my first Cite a Sista post and I am pretty hype! LOL. I hope you’ll follow along as I work through love, faith, womanhood, and much more through spoken word and poetry.


This season has been all about transition.  From graduating and moving to actively seeking a new professional opportunity, I’ve found myself time and again working to stay encouraged. This is especially true of my current job, which I love, but leaves much to be desired as it relates to my long-term goals.

 To be honest, it has been draining.

Things have built up so bad that although I’ve found myself in venting a few times to my friends, I continued to feel I had not truly shared my feelings about my life transitions.

-Enter my aunt-

My aunt and I have a special relationship. She has always been someone I could confide in and has always been patient, understanding and of course one of my greatest prayer warriors. Since this month was my tipping point, on the day she called “just to hear my voice and catch up”, made a normal conversation an opportunity for a breakthrough.

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As I cried and talked and talked, I realized she was quiet and had been nonresponsive for a while. I understood this was her way to allow me to get it all out. Once I finally took a breath, she said “Today was meant for me to listen” and let me talk some more. My aunt went on to share with me one of her last days with my grandmother before she passed away (another story and another poem for another day). I learned from my aunt that one of the last pieces of wisdom my grandmother imparted upon her was, “Corliss, let tomorrow worry about tomorrow.”

Since my grandmother passed away (or Nanny as we called her) I often pushed a lot of my memories of her aside. I made a choice not to visit her grave although sometimes it feels as though I don’t remember a thing about her. But in moments like these, where my aunt is present for me in the flesh, I realize my grandmother’s presence and spirit had come full circle. I get this feeling of her telling me, “chile you ain’t gon ever forget or lose me”. My Aunt, by way of my grandma, has reminded me of the importance of dealing with things as they come but also taking a break for myself.

The poem below is all about that experience. I hope you enjoy!

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Let Tomorrow Worry About Tomorrow

Tomorrow’s to- do list keeps getting longer

  1. Create this
  2. Send this email
  3. Call about that
  4. Connect with so and so
  5. Don’t forget
  6. Make sure

At this point I am at #20 so I ditch the numbers and try bullet points

Adding to this list that never seems to get anything accomplished

Just additions.

I switch up the format I create it on, maybe that makes a difference

Separate items by categories, try a different stationary, use different colors

But tomorrow becomes a daunting task in itself

So much that today is all about counting down for tomorrow

Trying to get a leg up on tomorrow

Because in some way, maybe I can beat it

The opponent is clever

Another bullet point is added before I can even put on my fighting gloves

My phone rings

A calm soothing voice on the other end

Immediately putting me at ease

Something about the magic of black women elders

Able to work wonders without laying hands on you

No their voices are the potions

And their spirits are the antidotes to ailments doctors fumble over

Her words did their thing “Let tomorrow worry about tomorrow”

And she prayed over me

“Let tomorrow worry about tomorrow”

I took those to heart and let my energy bask in today

So today, I will smile

Today , I will practice gratitude

Today, I will savor the moments I have neglected

Enjoy the people I dismissed thinking beyond them

Enjoy the moments of the now and here, today

Because tomorrow, well

Because in reality,

Tomorrow may not come

  • BCB 9/1/17