I don’t know the ins and outs of Cardi’s relationship, but what I hear in this song is a pain all too familiar. One that my friends be they Ph.D. or No-D, middle class or no cash, a pain that Black women everywhere can empathize with:
Heartbreak, embarrassment, and frustration(s).
Cardi’s song is an ode to the ways in which Black women continue to uplift and support Black men only for our love, labor, and affection to be abused in favor of women who “don’t even know your [his] middle name”. Whether this is based on her own experiences or not, the story she’s telling is one many of us have had to and may continue to have to deal with.
It’s gone hurt me to hate you, but loving you’s worse… – Cardi
I would almost never tell a woman to leave a man because if she leaves and misses him, it’s on me; and if she stays and he continues to hurt her, she knows I don’t think he’s deserving. But my advice in the larger scheme of things is this:
Stop chasing these men, sis.
Men who are unwilling to abide by the commitments they sought are not worth an early grave, gray hair, and weight gain (among other stress indicators) you may have to endure. You should NEVER have to ask a man to be careful with you–he should already want to be careful… Especially if you’re the reason “he acting out now he got an audience”.
In a world where women have more opportunities than ever in their careers and along the lines of financial independence, it is perfectly reasonable to be more selective in your love life. It is also okay to want companionship and support of a partner. But we as women must not come to internalize our worth as tied to a man. Your value is not tied to a man who loves you, a man’s love for you, and how much you’re willing to withstand public and private humiliation. By virtue of your Black womanhood, you are worthy.
I appreciate the vulnerability and honesty Cardi put into this song. It’s also a pain I’ve come to work through more recent than I care to admit… But you deserve better. She deserves better. WE deserve better.