"No more aimless scrolling. No more spending time in spaces that drained me emotionally... My plan isn't to completely run away from or stop using social media altogether. But it is to be more intentional about how much time I spend aimlessly scrolling and the messages I'm digesting and internalizing as a result of my social media usage."
Category: Black Girl Friendships
Save Your Pearls: “Nice” is a Trap
From time to time, I make a trip to a Godiva store and buy myself some $15 chocolate covered cashews. They're delicious. I appreciate their goodness. I shared my Godiva with a few people. One of them got slick at the mouth about the quality of my chocolate. Okay. Cool. The next time I bought myself [...]
“Check Up On Your Strong Friends” & Negotiating Feelings of Failure
Being a strong "friend" means I never want to actually talk about the roots of my problems and what's really going on because I don't want to bother people. But receiving a text, phone call, email, something showing a modicum of thought beyond "can you help me with" can be seriously affirming.
“I Expect You to do Well”: Diary of a High-Achieving Black Girl
After writing extensively for three weeks, waiting off and on for written results for another three weeks, and then anxiously counting down the days until the oral defense of my preliminary exams...it happened. I was FINALLY a Doctoral Candidate! It was by far the happiest moment that I have experienced since getting the call with my [...]
I Get Tired Too, Sis.
So, here's the thing...I mean well. We all do (well, most of us). And I still mess up. Despite being a perfectionist in just about every area of my life, I am a flawed friend. And I am painfully aware of that. Through unrelenting processes of critical self-awareness, I have learned to admit my flaws in [...]
Not you too, sis?: Taking Advantage of Fellow #BlackGirlMagic
As a co-founder of #CiteASista and one of five founding members of #SisterPhD I am no stranger to spending a lot of my time working towards (and on) supporting Black women. My research is about Black women. My life's work is on centering and supporting Black women. I work, every day, so fewer Black women [...]
Is It Too Late To Say…Sorry?
It's the beginning of a new year and most folks have been repeating their, "New Year, New Me" mantras on social media for the past few weeks. New perspectives, new opportunities, new....friends? Maybe. But does a new year mean it's too late to address old hurt in your friendships? If there's one MAJOR lesson that [...]
Stop Dismissing Fear of Failure in High Achieving Black Women
My mother raised me not to say anything if I’m not sure what to say. She also taught me to never dismiss the feelings of people around me, even if I do not understand them… And yet, as a high-achieving Black woman (as described by others, this isn’t a narcissism thing), I find myself time [...]
Congresswoman Auntie Maxine Waters (that's her official title by the way), really gave us a lifelong mantra with her edict, #ReclaimingMyTime. There really is power in taking back things (feelings, goals, dreams, etc.) that have been stolen from you. In that regard, we can also think about reclaiming our friendship, energy, and love in the same [...]
It’s Easy To Root For Your Girl When She’s Winning… But What Happens When She Stumbles?
It can be really fun and exciting to root for your girlfriend(s) when things are looking up. She just landed her dream job, launched her blog, was accepted into grad school or maybe even just defended her dissertation. These are all times of celebration where it (should) feel natural to love on those in your circle. [...]